Thursday, November 29, 2012

On the Threshold

So today I had an experience that has made me ponder and contemplate the next few years of my life. I know most people when they get reflective tend to look at the past and maybe even wonder about the future. I however felt like I was looking right down the barrel at the path ahead, and what I realized was....
Actually I am getting ahead of my story. This story is set in JoAnn's Fabric store. I wanted to pick up a few patterns that were going on sale today (that's one of my new things pretending like I know how to sew---I don't) and needed to pick up a few supplies for the office. It was just me and the twins right at 9 waiting to open the store before blissfully carrying on with dozens of other errands I had so smoothly planned out in my head. It was going to be a busy day the 3 of us, but we were all smiles. One confident smile, one mischievous smile and one devious smile equals 3 people with 2 very different opinions on how the day was gonna go ( 2 opinions because I am convinced at this time in the twins lives they have a collective conscience much like the Borg).
So in review 1. I am a closet Trekkie 2. I am blissfully optimistic and 3. I am at JoAnn's
Now the panic attack, or maybe the epiphany sounds better. So the epiphany (which was accompanied by sweating, rapid heart beat and the visual imagery of that super cool camera trick in Lord of the Rings when the path stretches weirdly far away) was brought on by a combination of things. First the valuable experience few lucky parents get to have: the joy of a child locking you out of your own vehicle. Priceless. I learned today that if you leave the keys in the ignition so the car will stay warm and the Disney radio will keep playing- after all you still have a few minutes before the store opens was not a great idea. Come to find out the time it takes you to unbuckle one baby is the same time it takes the previously unbuckled cherub to climb into the driver seat, and the time it takes to exit out the side door and reach for the front door is the exact same time it takes cutie pie to push the lock button. But lets be honest when are we ever granted time to slow down and play charades or even say pantomime for your toddler these days. Never right? So this was a gift. There is such joy to get front row seats to a child's learning progress....
Mommy using big happy smiles and large arm movements: Push this button sweetie
Child with mischievous grin: This one? - on go the wipers
Mommy: No this one on the door
Child: This one? - on go the blinkers
You get the idea.
Another factor leading to the paniphany might have been that JoAnns has chosen to fit as many aisles into the store as possible requiring small flimsy plastic carts to fit down said tiny aisles, that when loaded with two two year olds creates many challenges. My inner dialogue at this point said: "Your mission should you choose to accept it will be to drive down the exact center of the aisle with less then a 1/16th of an inch margin of error to prevent either child whom are now coordinating with each other and reaching from opposite sides of the cart for anything to grab including a branch from a display of topiaries ( yeah that display came down today)." Despite that I didn't do half bad if you ignore the topiary thing which seriously who need a forest in the middle of a fabric store anyways? I say they had it coming. But the twins got bored randomly adding things to Mommies cart, a game of rock the cart perhaps. Mom wasn't in the mood to reenact Humpty Dumpty, after all a trip to the ER not on the perfectly planned schedule. So the Borg I mean the babies thought throwing things from the cart would be just as entertaining.
Children's thoughts: Mommy goes and fetches shoes which we have freakishly thrown very far. Lets do the math 4 shoes, yep 4 different directions. Then we quickly dismount cart and run in opposite directions ourselves while laughing manically loud up and down all these awesome tightly packed aisles. This should work. Ready set GO!
There were a few other minor contributors to the paniphany (in case you didn't catch that the first time panic and epiphany had a baby). The toxic and un-ignorable diaper 5 minutes into the store which caused a delay to change. The little sleep and lots of Diet Coke and Zero breakfast may not have helped. Tangent in 3...2...1...
  Thank you Mitt Romney for drinking a Diet Coke which lead some to question you on your commitment to the word of wisdom which might have influenced your religion to make a statement on its website that Soda is not technically against the WofW. Many sleep deprived Mothers thank you. 
Back on track. If anyone is still with me it was somewhere in this AWESOME experience that I called in backup THANK YOU BRENT. May or may not have been added to the stores wall of flyer's of people to not let back in. And while resisting the erg to curl into a fetal position over in the Nutcracker Christmas display I realized the girls are happy. Laughing. Believing we are all playing a game together. That's right people I was not screaming  but trying on my firm but composed Mary Poppins, which was being ignored.And they were having a blast. And then it hit me. They are 2 we are just scratching the surface of many years of energy. I realized:
 I AM JUST ON THE THRESHOLD OF INSANITY. NEXT STOP FULL BLOWN CRAZYVILLE.  
You see today is not just one random insane day, but everyday is for the next few years. I think its gonna be fun. After all don't all the really crazy ones seem super happy? And get to wear cool hats?
Tomorrows To Do: Go buy a cool hat.