Mason Life

tHaNkFuL fOr MaNy ThInGs

Thanksgiving has been one of my favorite Holidays for many years. On the surface it appears as another fun holiday to gather with family and eat good food, but for me it goes deeper and is a reminder to never get too lost in myself.

Yes I enjoy family and good food but for a handful of years now it has kind of been one of the more somber and reflective holidays. My world changed the fall of 2008 when I lost my grandma to cancer and then suddenly lost my Mother within the same week. I was lost in my grief and mourning as we approached the holiday season. 

I was surrounded by caring family and friends who would surely understand if I did not really get into the festive feelings of these holidays. I was numb and mentally wrapped in my own thoughts often. Such was the case as I sat at a reenactment of the First Thanksgiving. My children were loving the crafts and live animals at the event, however I sat quietly at the table physically present at the festivities but my heart far from celebrating Thanksgiving.

The host of the event began the evening recounting details of the 1621 feast and a realization came to me that in some ways filled me with shame, but more importantly made me want... no, NEED to celebrate Thanksgiving.

Of the original 102 pilgrims to arrive at plymouth little more then half survived to celebrate that first feast. Everyone at that first feast had lost someone. Of the original 18 women only 4 survived. At the first table of Thanksgiving sat 27 teens and children most of whom had lost their Mother.

It is hard for me to describe, but in that realization I felt connected to these people in our history, I too had that ache and the pain of losing something you cannot replace. Yet they chose to give thanks, while I sat wanting to be excused. 

Previous years I participated and listed things to which I was grateful for but in that moment my whole soul gave thanks. Fall now always finds me in those still reflective moments of reverie. My heart lets down some of its protective walls and allows me to once again deeply feel the ache and loss. But for me this is as beautiful as watching the leaves change as they die and fall. I was blessed. I was loved and for that I am thankful. I am blessed. I am loved, and for that I am thankful. I will see those loved ones again. I know I will always be blessed. I know I am always loved, and for that my whole soul gives Thanks.